Tag Archives: office humor

Monday Morning Office Water Cooler Chatter 9/17/12

Herb:  Steve, what’s your position on gun control?

Steve:  I don’t have a position on gun control on Monday morning.

Herb:  Com’on

Steve:  Okay, I believe it’s my constitutional right to own a gun.

Herb:  So you’re voting for Romney.

Steve:  Not necessarily.

Herb:  Well, I believe it’s my constitutional right to live.

Steve:  So you’re pro-life and voting Republican.

Herb:  Not necessarily.  I believe I have the right to live and not be shot by you.

Steve:  Why would I shoot you?

Herb:  If you had a gun and I pissed you off.

Steve:  Herb, we’ve worked together for a long time but you’re not that important.  You’re just annoying, like prickly heat.

Herb:  Be that as it may, the fact is if you didn’t own a gun then there would be no issue.

Steve:  Herb my man, listen carefully.  I have never owned a gun so there never was an issue.  Promise me one thing.

Herb:  What.

Steve:  You’ll never move to Florida.

Herb:  Don’t say that you heard it from me, but there’s a rumor that the company might relocate to Florida, taxes, you know.

Steve:  Then you need to quit!

New Girl:  I had a dream about this guy that I just starting dating.  I dreamt that he had become the man I’ve always dreamed about.

Evelyn:  That’s nice, dear.

Nicole:  There’s a new man working in accounting.

Evelyn:  And…did something happen?

Nicole:  I think I offended him.  I hadn’t meant to.

Evelyn:  What on earth could you have said to him?

Nicole:  I told him that he reminded me of my husband and he said when you married him and I told him no, when I divorced him.

Evelyn:  Oh dear!

New Girl:  I didn’t know you were married.

(c) 2012 Linda Stone Cohen All Rights Reserved

Remember that no amount of money can purchase grace, wisdom and humility.       Until tomorrow…

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Monday Morning Office Water Cooler Chatter 9/10/12

Evelyn:  You know what people love about me as a woman?

Nicole:  No, what?

Evelyn:  That I’m strong, in control and I get things done.  You know what people hate about me as a woman?

Nicole:  No, what?

Evelyn:  That I’m strong, in control and I get things done.

Nicole:  You know what?

Evelyn:  No, what?

Nicole:  You’re absolutely right!

Steve:  I’m getting old, I’m thinking about retiring, and I’ve got issues.

Evelyn:  So who cares.

Steve:  Just sayin’

Herb:  I’ve worked and slaved for so many years and I feel like I have nothing.

Steve:  That’s because you have nothing.

Herb:  Well, it was just a feeling.

Steve:  When you walk into your usual place to get a cup of coffee to go, and it’s already poured and waiting for you, do you consider your life to be too routine or something to be envied?

Nicole:  Routine.

Evelyn: Envied.

Herb:  Sometimes I get tea instead of coffee, so that doesn’t happen with me.

New Girl:  Why do they make hand soap and body soap?

Nicole:  Are you seriously asking this on a Monday morning?  By the way, who are you and when did you start working here?

New Girl:  This is my first day.  Just think about it.  Isn’t the hand a part of the body?  So why do they make separate soaps?

Nicole:  Evelyn, you explain it to her.  Anyway, I have a friend who took a second job to support her Starbuck’s habit.  She’s not too smart though.

Evelyn:  Yeah, really.  She could get fired for moonlighting. 

Nicole:  No, that’s not it.  I have another friend who also took a second job to support her Starbuck’s habit.  She’s the smart one.

Herb:  Why is that?

Nicole:  She got a job at Starbucks!

New Girl:  I drink coffee!

(c) 2012 Linda Stone Cohen All Rights Reserved

Remember that no amount of money can purchase grace, wisdom, and humility.      Until tomorrow…

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