(FADE IN) SET OF THE RACHEL ROY SHOW. INTERVIEW: STRATEGIC BRANDING. TALENT: MR. COFFEE, BETTY CROCKER, AUNT JEMIMA
Rachel: Betty, let’s start with you. How does it feel to be America’s most famous brand?
Betty: It’s very stressful, Rachel. Everyone expects me to be perfect all the time.
Mr. C: If I show any bitterness at all, I mean, there is no compromise.
Betty: And women count on me to make their life perfect! It’s too much pressure.
Rachel: Aunt Jemima, you’ve been very quiet.
Aunt J: Well, Rachel, as you know, there are a lot of issues going on with me. I was so politically incorrect with that scarf on my head and all and then I lost all that weight and I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I am getting progressively younger looking, I’m hardly recognizable anymore! But people continue to stereotype me from how I first appeared in 1889. But what bothers me the most, Rachel, is that I’m not now nor have I ever been anyone’s aunt!
Rachel: Oh dear, is that true Aunt, I mean, shall I just call you Jemima then? I can feel your stress but you and Betty are each originators of a great food brand and Mr. Coffee, of course, you’re included. Just look at all the Twitter followers you all have. Awesome number!
Mr. C: Jemima, you have Twitter followers?
Aunt J: Of course I do.
Mr. C: Betty, you too?
Betty: Of course. Today one must be socially connected. Mr. Coffee, are you at least on Facebook?
Mr. C: I don’t know, nobody tells me anything although I always have this feeling that I’m being followed.
Betty: You know, Mr. Coffee, you do have a lot of competition out there.
Mr. C: Well, Betty, you and Aunt Jemima have been around a lot longer than I have.
Aunt J: Remember the truth is out so just call me Jemima, and what’s that supposed to mean, you calling us old? Why, you’re not even real!
Betty: Excuse me, Jemima, but if we’re talking about being real…
Rachel: Okay, that concludes our interview on strategic branding. Just remember folks, always stay true to yourself. See you tomorrow! Okay, that’s a rap.
CUT TO: COMMERCIAL
(CUT MICS)
Aunt J: Amen to that.
Mr. C: And no more feeling bitter.
Betty: Remember ladies, a good home cooked meal is the key to your husband’s happiness! And of course, always end the meal with a perfect cup of coffee, never, ever bitter.
Aunt J: And don’t forget to include some home cooked biscuits.
Betty: Yes, yes, Jemima, we know how versatile you can be. But leave the menu planning to me.
Mr. C: Well, I have only one function, so ladies, good evening to you.
(c) 2012 Linda Stone Cohen All Rights Reserved
Remember that no amount of money can purchase grace, wisdom, and humility.
Until tomorrow…
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