I’m cleaning dried, moldy, blueberry yogurt from the crevice of my thought it was clean refrigerator as I hear you screeching around the corner pushing your doll carriage which tilts to the left because you banged it against the floor constantly and it finally broke as I told you it would and I wonder is it worth it as you pinch the baby’s toes and apologize and say that you didn’t do it on purpose when we both know that you did do it on purpose and the baby howls and I ponder my existence. The toys, toys, toys, who should have so many toys and I took bags of toys away from you because you didn’t put them away and you didn’t even notice they were gone and I wonder whose life I’m living as you scream for me to go away when I awaken you in the morning and scream for me to go away when I tell you it’s bedtime and I wonder what it’s all about. But then I see how you’ve grown and smile with thanks as you draw happy pictures of people and the sun and you pause in your fury through the house to say “excuse me” to the dog and pet her as you accidentally tug on her tail. Yet I cringe as you climb into the baby’s crib with one leg in and one leg out envisioning your fall and broken legs but you tell me it’s only to play the music on the mobile and that you’ll be careful and won’t fall and I wonder how I’ll get through this as your sister giggles and wiggles while you bond and dance in the crib to “It’s a Small World” and you don’t fall and I manage to survive but I feel that I’ve aged. Through the craziness of the day and the exhaustiveness of your energy I look at you and wonder who you as you kiss me gently on the cheek saying, “I love you up to the sky Mommy” and I’m reminded who you are and why I’m living this life and know how very much it’s worth it.
(c) 1987, 2012 Linda Stone Cohen All Rights Reserved
Remember that no amount of money can purchase grace, wisdom and humility. Until tomorrow…
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