Author Archives: Linda Stone Cohen

TERRA INCOGNITA

Meandering through the darkened forest
A stale light dims my path
No matter, I know it well
And forge through rocks and mud                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Meant to deter me                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               From this trodden tempered trail                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     That feeds my hunger                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        For words not said                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           From cowards who fear my trespass.

(c) 2013 Linda Stone Cohen All Rights Reserved

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As Long as You Asked

I suppose it was a good day, as long as you asked
But nothing particularly good happened
Except that nothing particularly bad happened

That had made it a noticeably bad day
So in the absence of a noticeably bad day
I suppose it was a good day after all.

(c)2013 Linda Stone Cohen All Rights Reserved

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Finally, Equality for All

No longer will pregnant women retain exclusivity to having a seat on a NJ Transit bus. A sign on the bus requests that passengers offer their seat to “Pregnant People.”

(c)2013 Linda Stone Cohen All Rights Reserved

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New York City’s Foremost Issue Rages On

Unfortunately, the foremost issue in New York City’s mayoral race continues to be
the ubiquitous weiner, or rather, Weiner. That’s it for now.

(c)2013 Linda Stone Cohen All Rights Reserved. Remember that no amount of money can purchase grace, wisdom and humility.

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Isn’t it Ironic

Teacher: Who can explain the meaning of irony?

Student: Mick Jagger celebrating his 70th birthday!

“Come On” and give cheers to the best rock and roll band in the world, The Rolling Stones, and best birthday wishes to Mick Jagger, the band’s frontman for fifty years!

(c) 2013 Linda Stone Cohen All Rights Reserved.

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What’s the Hurry?

Why does everyone drive so fast? Is everyone late, at the same time, and for what? I see women with children in the car driving as fast as if they did not have children in the car. What could they be late for? Just today, for instance, while trying to exit a parking lot, I had to carefully calculate the seconds I had to turn in front of a car. As my car turned towards the left, I noted that the driver of the car I had cut in front of was driving faster towards me. So I moved faster and he whizzed by me, and so skilled a driver was he that he was able to remove one hand from the steering wheel while gesturing an obscenity. Perplexed by this mark of rudeness, I entered the parking lot. To my surprise, the car that had been behind me, the one with the steamy engine, pulled into the space next to me. The driver got out of the car with her two young children and followed me into the supermarket. I reminded myself not to get in front of her in the check-out line. After completing my shopping, I drove to the edge of the lot and waited. Not a break! Cars whizzed past me at incredible speed. Again I wondered why everyone was in such a hurry? Where were they going? It puzzled me to observe drivers becoming unraveled at the prospect of adjusting their speed. But to be fair, I won’t overlook the few considerate individuals who often stop or at least slow down to let a driver enter into the mainstream. They are, unfortunately, often badgered by other drivers for their consideration or else think that they’re owned a huge debt for letting someone get in front of them. And how about three-way intersections? You know, the ones where the person on your right has the right of way, and everyone tries to go at the same time. And when one driver does proceed, the driver in the car behind will sneak through on that driver’s turn. When that happens, nobody knows who’s supposed to go next, so everyone inches up at the same time. Often, the driver in the wrong gives the signal, as if to say, “Okay,okay, go ahead, but hurry, I’m giving you a break here and you’d better not mess it up.” However, before you complete the turn, you realize that the kind person who gestured you to go is on your tail and if you should suddenly stop for any reason, well too bad, you had your chance! Remember the time you passed a slower driver, and exchanged dirty looks, implying that neither one of you should be allowed to drive, only to have that driver pull up next to you at the red light that you’d been sitting at for three minutes. Think about it, what’s the hurry?

(c) 2013 Linda Stone Cohen All Rights Reserved

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GRACE, WISDOM, AND HUMILITY

I end each of my posts with: Remember that no amount of money can purchase grace, wisdom, and humility. What do I mean by this and why do I feel it’s worth repeating? According to The American Heritage Dictionary, grace is the “seemingly effortless beauty of charm of movement, form, or proportion. A characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement.” Wisdom is the “understanding of what is true, right, or lasting. Common sense; sagacity; good judgment.” Humility is the “quality or condition of being humble; lack of pride; modesty. Being humble is to show a deferential respect; lacking high station; lowly, unpretentious.”

These qualities are not innate, although being born “nice” is innate. The cliché that children are taught to hate is true. Those who have acquired grace, wisdom, and humility have done so over time. There is no monetary remuneration involved.

So what does it matter? It matters in the sense of your perspective about the world or your small corner of it. It matters in thinking what could be accomplished with these qualities or what could be destroyed by their lacking. It matters as Americans try to recover and cope with all the mass shootings; a breakdown of government; and other world issues. It matters as we try to right the world and stop going up the down staircase (Up the Down Staircase, Bel Kaufman, 1965) as we progress into the year 2013. It matters because you can’t buy these qualities. It matters because these qualities are acquired over time. It matters for January, 2014. And most importantly, it matters that one believes that it matters above all else. So remember…

(c) 2013 Linda Stone Cohen All Rights Reserved

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You Gave Him What?

If you gave the man in your life tools for a holiday gift, don’t bitch if you received a vacuum cleaner in return. He wouldn’t dare, you have always said! Let’s put this into perspective. Every man I have ever known has had the occasion to use tools. If he had his own, all for the better. If he had to borrow tools from a friend, all was not better for that friend, even if that friend only used a drill as a power screwdriver. Tools are personal, not to be shared. So then, wouldn’t tools be considered a nice gift for a man who does not have his own? Not necessarily. Tools are listed in the same category as a vacuum cleaner.

If you are the owner of a useless vacuum cleaner, then receiving a new one should be a good thing, right? Perhaps it might be during the dead days of February, AFTER Valentine’s Day, but not as a holiday gift (or birthday, anniversary, or the first day you met). Why not? A new vacuum cleaner will help you be better at what you do. Isn’t that a good thing, like receiving a new computer? A new computer we’ll take. It suggests that you are a creative and intelligent person who will do creative and intelligent tasks. A vacuum cleaner, on the other hand, suggests that you are good at cleaning or will become good at cleaning. Tools suggest that you will build, fix, or power screw things well. That’s a good thing, but again, maybe in late February – not for the holidays! Tools and vacuum cleaners are generic, meaning I can’t think of anything else to get you and I know you need this so I have convinced myself that this gift will make you happy, despite the snickering from the salespeople who did not receive the commission from my purchase.

“ARE YOU SURPRISED AND HAPPY?”

“Yes, thank you so much, honey, how did you know that’s what I needed, er, wanted?”

“Can you believe what he (she) gave me for the holidays?”

So folks, don’t go there. Put a little creativity into gift giving next year. There’s got to be more to your spouse than cleaning or fixing things. A computer is fine. Just save any other mechanical gifts for late February.

P.S. I have my own tools but would love it if someone gave me a power drill!

(c) 2013 Linda Stone Cohen All Rights Reserved
Remember that no amount of money can purchase grace, wisdom and humility.

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Whose Constitutional Rights Are We Protecting?

People say that having a gun pointed at you is the most terrifying experience. Never will society comprehend the terror that twenty innocent six and seven-year old children in Newtown, Connecticut experienced when they were slaughtered by a Glock 9-MM, a Sig Sauer 9-MM and a Bushmaster.223-Caliber Assault Rifle shooting five bullets a second. One bullet would have easily killed a child – multiple shots are maniacal. Society gets the argument that Adam Lanza did the killing and not the guns. He could have used a bomb, a knife, or whatever. But his mother owned the assault weapons that were accessible to him. Assuredly, when Nancy Lanza legally purchased these weapons she was not concerned that they would cause her own death, the death of her son, Adam, and the death of twenty-six innocent people. But what did she need these particular guns for? Would not one gun have provided protection?

Gun enthusiasts are vigilant about their Second Amendment right to purchase whatever type of guns they want. They want what they want. It would seem that by now, with twenty-six names added to the roster of others in this country who have succumbed to their death at the hands of these maniacal mass murderers that society’s majority overrules the minority and has to say, guess what, the Second Amendment does not entitle a non-military person to store weapons of mass destruction in his or her home.

Let’s make this argument ridiculously simplistic. If I am stuck in traffic, it would be nice to open a bottle of wine and have a glass or two while I wait it out. I’m not an alcoholic, in fact, I rarely drink. I am a very responsible person who could safely drink while stuck in traffic and then proceed to drive safely when traffic lets up. But there is a law that prohibits drinking and driving that’s designed to protect society. Unless I choose to break the law, I can’t have a glass of wine while I am operating a motor vehicle, no matter how much I want it or feel entitled to it. The law does not prohibit me from drinking – just not when I am driving a car. Or how about the sixteen-year-old who wants to purchase a pack of cigarettes. Guess what? He or she can’t! That person has the right to smoke and most likely will find a way to get cigarettes, but not by purchasing them legally. A person might want to drive a car but lacks driving training and documentation. Guess what? He or she will not be given a license to drive! It does not mean they he or she won’t drive anyway, but not legally.

There are people who will break the law because they want something as there are people who won’t break the law who realize they can’t have everything that they want. Adam Lanza had a mission and it would be naive to think that gun control would have prevented him from carrying out his mission. But maybe gun control, by means of outlawing possession of mass destruction, the kind of legal guns found in his mother’s home, would have prevented his choice of arsenal and lessened the inconceivable suffering of those twenty innocent children who succumbed unmercifully to multiple bullets ripping through their tiny bodies. Isn’t that reason enough?

(c) 2012 Linda Stone Cohen All Rights Reserved

Remember that no amount of money can purchase grace, wisdom and humility.

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The Party

Yeah, there are over a hundred people scattered about the hall.

A man planted here to fill her needs, a woman posed there to fill his needs.

What each needs…

They both need.

          Why do they meet, suppose, a marriage of experiences.

          Intertwined with verbal abuse.

          A match of wits to discover they have none.

A pose, hand-held cigarette.

It’s fickle light reveals scant wrinkles.

Ashes falling down her dress.

Foundation covers her wrinkles.

          Plenty of food, mixing mouths, mixing words, mixing

          thoughts.       

          Absolutely, I don’t know what you mean.

          What did you say?  I don’t really care.

          Make an impression, tell it to me again, don’t smile.

          There’s food in your teeth.

Drink this.

Evening’s end, I’m through.  Can I leave?

Graciously I move towards the door, my exit, to leave quietly.

Oh!  Are you leaving already?

Early day tomorrow lots to do – besides, there’s food in my teeth.   

(c) 2012 Linda Stone Cohen All Rights Reserved

Remember that no amount of money can purchase grace, wisdom and humility.

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